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Secret ThoughtI'm depressed,
And I don't know why.
I take that back.
That's a lie.
I want to cry,
But my eyes won't let me.
You'd probably think
My reason is silly.
I think about my
Old way of coping.
I regret it everyday
So don't think I'm moping
If I hadn't stopped
I could be dead by now
I'm glad most people
Never found out
"A Virgo's secret desire:
To love and be loved."
I don't want to be judged
Seven years passed.
I never had a chance.
No use in taking
A fighting stance.
"I know God wouldn't put me through anything He knows I can't handle...
I just wish He didn't trust me so much."
Tears in the windAll I wanted was someone to see
I'm not as strong as I pretend to be.
Someone who could part the veil
Unravel my illusions to see my "real".
Am I that great a deceiver?
Or does no one care enough to try?
It feels as if my whole life all I've done is
Live a lie. But how to separate truth from fiction?
What is merely suspicion?
Crimson stains upon dull hearts
My vices have succeeded in tearing me apart.
So where the hell do I start?
Is there none out there in the vast abyss
Capable or willing to jigsaw this,
Puzzle that be my heart?
Can you sew me back together but keep a single part?
I know it's possible to exist without a full working heart
As long as it still beats, well thats a start.
I really don't demand much, attention don't cost a cent,
But is that still too much for you to part with?
Materialistic I'm not,
But my razor bladed tongue slashes everyone.
I'm rather kind of stubborn
I like to get my way.
But If you attempt to take a chance on me
I'm sure I can change my ways.
CutThe fear in her eyes.
The pain in her heart.
She picked up the blade
And all she wondered was:
"Where do I start?"
Tears mixed with blood;
Metal with skin.
As she cut deeper
her soul was numb within.
Smiling at the escaping pain,
She cut deeper
Again and again.
What was once just a way to cope with life's friction
Became an overcoming addiction.
Let GoI'm so broken
I can't leave this past behind
What's in my heart
With what's in my mind
I'm worried about everything
I just want to cry
Talk to my best friend
Know someone is by my side
I spent some time alone
Tried to distract myself
Realized that what I needed
Was God's help
During the night
I thought about life
I need to stop
Living in strife
In the past
I screwed up alot
That doesn't mean
I can't move on
Tonight I cried
Because I actually felt free!
I laughed a REAL laugh
For the first time in weeks
It felt like Heaven;
To smile for real.
Insteda of faking it;
A false shield.
My heart was in all stitches.
I used to believe it'd stay that way for life.
But now some of it has truly healed
And I need to do away with this strife
Though it will be hard,
I'll probably lose sleep
I can finally toss out my bad memories.
And the good ones I shall keep
I want to move on with my life
Be happy again
But I need help
From my closest friends.
In hope we trustIt's dark outside, yet the sun is shining,
It's your eyes, they radiate light when you look upon me.
It's cold tonight, yet I am snug and toasty,
It's your arms, they secure warmth when they surround me.
I hope that your heart is here to stay, for if you leave
You take my warmth and sunshine away,
Leaving me in a cold, dark place.
It's this sanctuary within your arms that keeps me so warm,
its the little things you say and do, as can be done only by you,
so as you sleep I lay awake, often finding myself in prayer,
because I've done such wrong in the past with countless others,
ones who never made me feel so strong, so loved, so happy,
that I just want this one, you, to work forever and more.
Fear is etched upon my weary heart
You've become so much, in such short time.
You've given great gifts to me,
The kind that reside in memories.
They cannot be lost or sold you see,
So ever more precious they are to me.
It pains me to think of a day ever unlike the now,
but still it enters
There is pain in truthThe hours clock by, my eyes glued to the screen.
Waiting, willing your name to appear.
My heart kicks when it does, surpassing legal speed limits.
Two days have dragged on by, every name but the one
I crave has chosen to appear.
To say I'm miserable at best would be a gross understatement.
I'm aching for you, your words, your voice, your arms,
No others will suffice. Mistakes fall from my lips,
As I fall from your grace. I've never been perfect.
Tell me should I quit? Have I become too much for you
To deal with? Don't worry about the pain your answer will inflict.
Ignorance may be kind, but I find the truth a more comfortable pain.
I'd rather know than make of myself a bigger fool.
So tell me baby, do you want me to cease the fight?
To just go quietly into the dark night?
That way you could strike me from your mind
As If I'd never been apart of you, no crime.
In slumber we dreamSomething seemed different
Something felt changed,
Your lips said hello,
But your eyes were miles away.
You played your role so well
Didn't miss a single line.
If I hadn't already
I'd have fell at your feet,
After the night you gave me,
For the first time I felt complete.
I lay there long after you fell asleep
With my head on your chest,
Just listening to you breathe.
I was going to wake you for
An early morning treat,
But every time I moved,
You wrapped your arms around me,
And said "Easy baby, I got you"
And I swear you said
"your safe with me".
I didn't want to fall asleep
I feared I'd wake to find you'd,
Gone home instead.
But your body felt so right
So natural to lay in my bed,
With you skin to skin.
Wasn't long till slumbers decent.
The morning brought the daylight
And with it the news you had to go.
It's so hard to watch you leave
I never know when you'll be back again.
I always wonder where you are
And who your with,
Silly as I have no rights to you,
So no right to
We meant to let it dieHold me tight against your chest
Lest the wind of hurt, pain me again.
Whisper in my ear, words of love and passion,
I need the security of your voice in this time of uncertainty.
But my heart is heavy, and your arms are cold.
You're not here, it's just the ghostly lingers
Of your touch, your soul.
How could you have left me so alone?
fear doesn't hide from any season
i decided it would be best to run away,
i turned my back on your reasons,
this winter, i'm afraid i could not stay,
i used to think i meant something,
you made me feel like i was assurance,
but your words and my things left a sting,
i'm sure this looks like it doesn't make any sense,
You know they say that bliss is ignorance
I could have done without your poison's kiss.
And for every lie you told, I told three more
I guess neither of us shall ever see heaven's door.
You used to mean the world to me
But then I found my world had changed.
No longer were you able to restrain me
Without that strength I crave, you and I
Damned PerfectionEvery word you say is poetry
Every breath you take is another breath in me
Every move you make is another toward checkmate
And it seems that I can't win this game
But I'll still adore you just the same
Call it damnation, call it fate
And yet it's just another day
In this fantasy world called Hell.
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More